This is a welcome toast that I delivered, on behalf of our late father, on the occasion of our sister Anne’s marriage to Milton Speid on October 1st, 2022 on Cape Cod. Note, my intention was to give his toast, not necessarily the one I would give as her brother. I was happy to play this part in their special day.
Good evening everyone. I’m Anne’s brother Joe, often called Joey because I am the third Joseph Warren McPherson in our family after our late father, Joe Junior, and his father, our Papa, Joe Senior.
On behalf of those two Joes and others who are with us today only in spirit...on behalf of many friends and family members who are with us from afar...and on behalf of our mother, my siblings, and Anne’s family and friends here today…please let me say welcome! Welcome to Milton’s family and welcome, Milton, to our family. A very special welcome to his parents, Sheila and Xander Speid, as well as his family, friends, and teammates who join us on this happy occasion. I am proud to give this brief welcome and my simple hope is that I can channel the joy of the first two Joes in our family, who always seemed to peak at weddings and make them so special…Papa on the dance floor, and Dad in the speech.
Our father had a true talent for toasts. Certainly he’d poke fun, quote a great writer, maybe mention blue jays, and refer to some little known fact about Cape Cod that even you locals don’t know – because he usually made it up. But he also worked hard at his toasts because he deeply believed marriage should be appropriately commemorated. And his words, woven with wisdom, truth, and love, were his greatest expression. Let’s face it – it was not photography. Standing in for Dad in a toast is therefore a tall order - but fortunately for me, Anne and Milton have set me up for success…a wonderful trait they both share. These two team captains look out for others in cheerful and subtle ways…and for me it started with a ring.
{KNOTS} You see, Anne and Milton picked the symbol of a love knot for the engagement ring and a knot also appears on the wedding invitation. As a sailor, I think a knot fits in nicely here on the cape, at this lovely club, surrounded by the harbor and salt air, and a hurricane.
Even away from the sea, knots have long symbolized unity and marriage. Our sister, Mary, pointed out the Celtic tradition of handfasting which ceremonially bounds the hands of bride and bridegroom at weddings. Today, tying the knot is more of a saying, but since I cannot resist a good nautical analogy, join me in considering Anne and Milton’s knot just a bit more.
In its simplest form, a knot is a rope turned and threaded with itself or with another rope. And the best knots do this with purpose. There are many different knots for different needs…some are quick knots that are just as quickly untied…but that won’t do for a wedding analogy will it? A good joining knot on the other hand…when two ropes intertwine in a specific way…can be very strong, and like a marriage, can be strong for surprising reason.
First, a rope is strong not because it is one thing, but because it is many things. In a rope, small fibers are used to make strands which in turn are used to make rope. This construction of many parts is why a rope can flex and bend but is also why it can be strong and resilient. Let your knot remind you that you each have in you small fibers and strands that extend back to your parents, grandparents, family, and friends. These many things make you who you are today…strong and more. Marriage can be hard and so you’ll need to be strong – but for it to work best, you also need to be flexible. You have it in you already to do this.
Second, a knot actually works because of friction and tension. In a good knot, two ropes don’t just intertwine, they closely interlock. Those fibers and strands from the two ropes work together to create a powerful and binding friction. And the knot actually gets tighter and stronger when both ropes are pulling – when there is tension. Friction and tension may seem like things to avoid as newlyweds, but remember friction comes from being close to each other and the best marriages, like knots, work when you are both pulling together.
Finally, ropes and marriages alike can fray and show signs of wear, but with care, they will remain strong and last. I’ll be made fun of for incorporating maintenance into a wedding toast – but it doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Ropes, knots, marriages, and everything else simply work better if you tend to them. Demands from work, from life, from family, and from each other will required you to flex and pull at times. But always come back to each other for a talk and prioritize your nights out together. Do this and you’ll be fine…‘till death do you part. (a rope pun.)
So, we are thrilled to have you, Milton, and your family joined to Anne and our family by marriage. We are thrilled to celebrate it here on the cape where both of our families have a history. Thrilled to witness your beginning as a married couple. I hope the knot you chose as a symbol reminds you that you have in you, and from your two families, all the elements for success. And I hope God blesses your marriage. If I did it right, I channeled a little bit of Dad’s odd mind. Just to make sure, I'd like to recite the sonnet that he wrote called THE WEDDING FEAST AT CANA. He wrote around 1000 sonnets in all, and this once seems most appropriate and also appeared on the back of today's wedding program.
THE WEDDING FEAST AT CANA (a.k.a. THE MIRACLE AT CANA) To Cana Jesus came with several friends To take part in a wedding day repast. Sensed Mary fretful servants at wits' ends Because they saw the wine jugs could not last. "They have no wine," said Mary to her son---- God's mother called forth God's obedient love---- She knew what generous gesture would be done, An honoring of marriage from above. So He who gave creation its design Transformed the waiting water cool and clear Into the gracious product of the vine; The steward, tasting, deemed it without peer. O couples, look to future not to past; Though start be good, may best be in the last! --- JWM (first published 7/11/2012)
With Dad's toast now hopefully given, I’ll leave it to Anne and Milton to channel Papa on the dance floor. ~
PS - bonus content! I sometimes write lyrics to be sung as sea shanties. I did not get a chance to sing this one to Anne and Milton but I still wanted to share it.
MiltAnne Sea Shanty
(To the tune of "The Wellerman")
There once was a girl, her name was Anne
The youngest of the McPherson clan Then one day she met a man And we wondered where this goes… Soon will the family come Give’way a daughter and gain a son Song, food and cheer and fun So raise your glass and go…huh! Here’s Milton now, her handsome beau What do we think? vote yes or no! Can he stick the landing, a 10 point O, And take her off our hands? Soon will the family come Give’way a daughter and gain a son Song, food and cheer and fun So raise your glass and go…huh! He seems so nice, this son of Xander, A ready smile, a real glad hander But can he quote from Zoolander? Cause she deserves the best! Soon will the family come Give’way a daughter and gain a son Song, food and cheer and fun So raise your glass and go…huh! He passed our tests, now let’s applaud This fine young man raised on Cape Cod Let’s give this Celtics fan a nod And a welcome to the fam! Soon will the family come Give’way a daughter and gain a son Song, food and cheer and fun So raise your glass and go…huh! In Brooklyn now they’ll make a life Our daughter, sister now his wife Old Bay and Jerk make quite the spice Can’t wait for where this goes… Soon will the family come Give’way a daughter and gain a son Song, food and cheer and fun So raise your glass and go…huh!
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